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Enough with the Small Talk

Change comes when we honor truths.




The New Year is here! This time of year (for many) sparks an interest in resolutions, goals, and a desire for new habits. Our focus shifts from serving others to ourselves.


Yet only roughly 9% of people are successful at new year resolutions. Around 43% of people stop their goals by February and a mind blowing 23% end within the first week of starting. 


So what prevents people from being successful in accomplishing their goals?


Before answering, I feel like I need to ask this important question:


How are you, really?


Truth: I love people and I’m not one for small talk.


I am curious and want to know more about the real you. The nitty gritty, the details that most would probably want to turn the other direction to get away from as fast as possible. 


It’s in these details where the source to accomplish the changes we want in our lives begins.


It seems like small talk is the norm. The ‘how are you?’ and the ‘I’m good’ and ‘I’m busy’ responses.


Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like we want to share with the cashier at the grocery store the details of our bodily functions that may be impacting our days. Nor would we share the emotional baggage that we can carry with us that is like a ticking time bomb.


But what about others? People that are in our inner circle or whom we desire to be closer to?


Our go-to responses may be something to the sort of "what can I say that is the quickest and easiest response” as I need to get to this or that.


I wonder if we spoke the truth. Truth about how we really are doing.


Why do we keep quiet? What are we drowning out? What are we avoiding? 


Fear.


What will come out and to what intensity if we are truthful with our answers? 


The truth is the honest answer can be scary not only to others but ourselves. 


What is your reality? Are you actually happy? Why are we not honest that we might not be okay?


When these thoughts come up, we want to push them right back down where they came from. 


But another truth, the real responses find a way back into our lives - like in the middle of the night - when we are trying to sleep.


Exhausted. We just keep going like we are conditioned to do. 


Grin and bear it.


This is fine. Everything is fine. My life is fine.


We know we should feel joy. 


Joy - oh this shiny thing makes me happy, if I change this (Insert) then I will be happy, if I go on this trip I will be happy…if I take this pill…if I buy the next best thing then…

 

Yet, the happiness doesn’t stay.


Maybe this fill-in-the-blank perfectly packaged solution will work for me as it seems to work for others?


Wait, why doesn’t it work for me?


It’s because it is not coming from you.


True happiness doesn’t come from an outside source, It comes from within yourself.


Lasting happiness doesn’t come from those things that provide temporary happiness (although nice to have).


Happiness isn't owed to us. It’s a choice.


Finding true joy starts with realizing that happiness doesn’t come from a ‘perfect’ life. It’s about making the imperfections perfect.


You must be honest with your truths, your realities.


Which brings me back to the question: So what prevents people from being successful in accomplishing their goals?


Truth: Exploring the beliefs that limit us and the reasons that are preventing us from achieving our desires is tough work yet incredibly rewarding.


Do you want to achieve your desires and have true change? You have to get to the reason why you have not been able to get what you desire in life no matter how hard it seems like you have tried.


No strategic thought out plan will help until you explore what is preventing you from getting there.


The majority of how we function, our decisions, actions, emotions, and behavior, is unconscious. 95% exactly.


We need to learn how to bring these hidden aspects to our awareness so we can actually make the changes we desire.


One big area is our beliefs. Do we believe we are capable, worthy, lovable, or have we been programmed by our life experiences to think we are not good enough, unworthy, not lovable?


The secret is working at the source that is preventing you from getting closer to what you want to achieve. Our beliefs create a programming which is connected to our protective part of ourselves aka our nervous system.


When you gain this awareness, change programming, and control over your nervous system, those goals are attainable. 


It takes work that requires you to find comfort in discomfort - as that is the way to cultivate the experience of joy. Embrace our sufferings to find true happiness.


So how are you, really?


I would be honored to hear the answer.


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