The Power of Self-Worth: How Your Value Impacts Personal Growth

As I was planting seeds to start my garden, I thought about one powerful lesson nature can bring us as humans. 

Each seed buried in the earth cannot imagine itself as a tomato, squash, pepper…each courageous seed cracks open to the ‘dark’ and surrenders to the process of growth it cannot see to bloom into itself.

A human heart packed with hurt and lack of worth cannot imagine being loved, at peace, and contentment even though it's desired. Yet if we open ourselves to exploring the depth of where our pain and worthiness originated then we can surrender to a process to allow us to blossom into what we desire and we have always been designed to be. 

Our value and self-worth are seeded in us early on, and when lacking can be the roadblock to being our authentic selves and obtaining what we want in life.

I want to feel healthier and thrive. I want to experience love and connection. I want more meaning and purpose. Or whichever statements we say to ourselves – none of these are attainable if you do not believe you deserve them.

What we think we deserve comes down to our sense of value and self-worth.

“We can’t ask people to give us something that we believe we are not worthy of receiving.” – Brene Brown

Why Should We Recognize Our Value? 

Our lack of self-worth is often the biggest roadblock on our path to living a fulfilling life.  

When we don't recognize our value, we sell ourselves short and settle for less than we deserve. As a result, we might stay in unhealthy relationships, accept poor treatment from others, and never end up asking for what we want and need.

It comes down to knowledge and awareness: if we don't know our value, we cannot treat ourselves as the precious gift we are.  

We need to make sure that we don’t start seeing ourselves through the eyes of those who don’t value us. We need to know our worth even if others don’t. Our value doesn't decrease based on someone’s inability to see our worth. If we find ourselves trying to prove our worth to someone, we have already forgotten our value.

What is Self-Worth?

Our sense of self-worth is intimately tied to imprinting we've developed over the course of our lives. Every experience we have and every message we receive shapes how we see ourselves and our place in the world.

When we are growing up we take what others say about us to be true and then we will believe it. 

Self-worth is the foundation on which self-esteem is built. So, for example, if we were only noticed when we achieved something, then we might believe that we only add value when we are achieving (self-worth) and if we don’t achieve, then we might feel like a failure (self-esteem).

Having self-worth means we have a deep knowing that we are of value, that we are loveable, necessary to this life, and of incomprehensible worth. 

Self-worth is distinct from our abilities, accomplishments, and possessions. It’s not about comparing ourselves to others; it’s not something that we can have more or less of. 

Self-worth is the sense that we deserve to be alive, to be loved and cared for, to take up space.

If we have a strong foundation of self-worth then we are more able to fully thrive in our work, relationships, and other life endeavors. 

What We Link to Self-Worth

What do you use to measure your self-worth? So often, we link our self-worth to appearance, accomplishments, titles, income, possessions, relationships, what our parents (and other people) think about us, likes on social media – yet when those things fluctuate, so often does our self-worth (and self-esteem). 

Despite what society likes to tell us, external things do not give us self-worth.

“Self-respect, self-worth, and self-love all start with self. Stop looking outside of yourself for your value.” – Rob Liano

We do not need to buy things to be loved, accepted or to succeed. Our educational system teaches us that our worthiness as students is based on our grades or test scores. Our parents may have implied they’d love us more if we made the honor roll or the varsity team. Those of us who’ve experienced adverse childhood experiences may question our identity and very right to exist. And, as social media pervades our lives, we have also begun to feel that our worthiness is based on the number of followers we have and likes we get.

What Makes Us Valuable? 

Each of us has a unique makeup of skills, gifts, and experiences. Although many people might be equally as talented, those people haven't had your experiences, and they don't have the same personality as you. Therefore, what you offer the world is something else entirely. 

Perhaps you think you're "ordinary," but there is no such thing. You bring a unique energy to every room you enter and every person you engage. 

Neuroscience reveals that our brain – a complex network of 86 billion neurons making you uniquely you – represents an extraordinary achievement of nature. Each of these neurons forms up to 10,000 connections, creating a one-of-a-kind pattern that has never existed before and will never exist again.

This biological uniqueness explains why comparing your worth to external metrics is like trying to measure the ocean's value by counting waves. 

Where We Search For Worth

We will not find worth in the same place that made us question it.

When we encounter a situation or relationship that makes us question our value - whether it's a toxic relationship, a dysfunctional family dynamic, or a society that tells us we're not enough – it's a wound to our self-worth. Any feelings of worthiness, confidence, and self-acceptance start to diminish.

We start to internalize negative beliefs about ourselves and we tend to seek information and experiences that reinforce that belief – even if it’s not accurate or healthy.

Yet when we try to repair the damage to our value and worth by seeking validation from the source that caused it is like trying to heal a cut with the same knife that made it. It's not just ineffective – it's downright counterproductive.

If we keep seeking validation from the parent who made us feel unloved, maintaining a friendship that belittles us, staying with a partner who dismisses our needs, or leaning into the social media echo chamber that makes us feel inadequate, we're simply deepening our self-doubt and unworthiness. We're reinforcing the very patterns we're trying to heal.

Self-worth Cannot Be Measured.

I want to offer a gentle reminder for myself, and for those reading this: self worth cannot be measured. Our worth is never for debate. We have value and have always been enough.

It was never about meeting those external expectations (i.e. title, income, appearance, possessions) so we can be “enough” for ourselves and for those around us.

It is about unlearning that those external factors do not define who we are, and to finally realize that deep down, at the very core, we have been enough since the very beginning.

We should not try to feel enough. Because we already are.

We have to realize our worth has always been there. Believe in and love ourselves.

Be gentle and kind to ourselves. Be our own best friend and biggest cheerleader.

“ How you love yourself is how you teach others to love you.” – Rupi Kaur

How To Deepen Our Self-Worth? 

Depth Over Surface

As natural as it might seem to measure our value by our possessions, accomplishments, titles, income, physical appearance, our value and self-worth are not determined by these shallow external factors. It's more useful to consider our values and traits such as compassion, generosity, leadership, respect, and kindness. Taking inventory of your strengths will help you grow in confidence and shrug off negative feedback. What qualities do you possess?

Counteract Inner Critic with Praise and Acknowledgement 

We all have an inner voice that points out our flaws and failures. Whenever your critical voice shows up – stop and pause for a minute. Consider the merit of what this voice is telling you. Is what you hear an objective fact? Is it useful and kind? If the answer is no, then this commentary is not worth paying attention to! Speak kindly to yourself and remind yourself of your strengths. For every criticism, counteract it with praise.

Take Ownership

We are responsible for our self-worth. Regardless of other people's words, thoughts, and opinions about us, we choose how we view ourselves. What matters is not what others think about us but what we think about ourselves. Don't wait for people to validate you – validate and affirm yourself. Treat yourself with the love and care you’d give to any precious person or object.

Be There For Ourselves

When life gets rough, many of us abandon ourselves during times of challenge. We engage in harsh self-criticism – which only leaves us feeling worse. What we need most when we are going through a difficult time is for someone to say “I see you. I see how badly you’re hurting. I’m here.”

We can do this for ourselves. The next time you are hurting, acknowledge how you are feeling and offer yourself some comfort. Place your hand on your chest, give yourself a hug or say something kind and soothing to yourself.

Practice Forgiveness

We all make mistakes – it's part of being human. But when we do, we must forgive ourselves and let it go. It's easy to extend kindness and forgiveness to others, but we have to do the same for ourselves. We are not defined by our past. Self-compassion helps us believe we are worthy of love regardless of what we do or fail to do.

Many of us struggle to feel worthy, because we are angry with ourselves about past mistakes. Forgiveness involves acknowledging and accepting what has happened. Acceptance releases us from blaming ourselves and others and allows us to move forward.

To forgive yourself, reflect on the circumstances that led to past mistakes, acknowledge the pain you experienced and identify what you learned from the situation. Then say to yourself “I forgive you” – in an honest and kind way.

Acceptance As-Is 

I think many of us struggle with low self-worth because we think there’s something wrong with us and we refuse to accept ourselves the way we are. We receive so many messages that we are not OK the way we are. We’re told that we need to change our bodies, our clothes, our jobs or even our personalities to be acceptable.

Let’s see if we can let go of the thoughts we have about how the way we think, feel, look or do should be different. Consider these things that make us different as a wonderful thing and embrace them – our quirks and all. We are perfectly imperfect.

Take time to think about the best parts of yourself while also honoring your beautiful flaws. Who we are, how we function, how we look – all parts of us matter and should be acknowledged and welcomed.  Through this acceptance, you’re acknowledging that you are worthy just the way you are. 

Trust Our Thoughts and Feelings

When we value ourselves and put a high price on our inherent worth, we consider our thoughts and emotions with kindness and consideration. Instead of second-guessing ourself and what we are experiencing, get curious and explore where a thought or feeling comes from. Your thoughts and feelings are valid.     

Connect to Supportive People 

When someone does not value, appreciate, and respect you, it is a reflection of their own self-worth – not yours. Low self-worth can leave us feeling isolated and alone. When we think there’s something wrong with us, we tend to pull away from our relationships, and this isolation only exacerbates our feelings of unworthiness. Knowing that we are not alone in our struggles and pain reminds us that challenges don’t make us unworthy. Connecting to people who are supportive helps us to get in touch with our humanity and our sense of worth. 

Science Behind Worthiness

When something makes us feel better about ourselves then we want to repeat it. 

When we achieve something, get the new best thing on the market, check an item off our to-do list, or anything else we have connected to our sense of worth, what happens is we associate ‘that’ with what makes us worthy. 

Our brains create a sneaky reward system that links that “something” to our self-worth. We get a delightful dopamine boost – that feel-good chemical we all love. This is like a sugar rush – quick to spike, quick to crash. This creates a cycle where we constantly chase the next thing for our dose of feeling worthy.

This loop can be exhausting. 

Yet there is another way that is actually more powerful and lasting, which is activated by self-acceptance and recognizing our inherent value. This creates lasting emotional resilience and genuine self-appreciation.

We will start to filter the world through a lens of love and acceptance for ourselves. Alternatively, if we have internalized negative beliefs about ourselves then we will interpret information and experiences that reinforce our lack of value and worth – even if it’s not accurate or healthy for us.

The more we shift our mindset to we are enough then our brain will start to find things in our environment to reinforce this belief.

Boost Your Self-Worth

Focus on who you are, not what you do or have. Notice things you appreciate about yourself. Your capacity for kindness, creativity, or simply being present. Know your strengths and highlight them. Acknowledge and live in alignment with your values. 

When you are having a hard time, practice self-compassion. Recognize that all humans suffer, it's perfectly normal to be having a hard time, and choose to give yourself the love you need. Then give yourself a hug and say, even though I am having all these feelings right now, I chose to take care of myself, I love and accept myself.

Your brain releases feel-good chemicals just by acknowledging your qualities. The practice of acknowledging our qualities strengthens neural pathways associated with positive self-perception. Positive self-talk can help activate your brain's reward center and nourish your sense of worth.

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Final Thoughts

“Too many people overvalue what they are not and undervalue what they are.” – Malcolm Forbes

Take a moment to reflect on the places that have made you question your worth. Whether it's a relationship, a job, or a societal message that's gotten under your skin, acknowledge its impact on your self-perception.

And then, with courage, start seeking new sources of validation. Surround yourself with people who see and celebrate you. Engage in activities and experiences that make you feel alive, empowered, and unapologetically yourself. Challenge those old, limiting beliefs with evidence of your enoughness.

The value we assign to ourselves is mainly determined by our self-worth. Unlike self-esteem, our self-worth is about who we are as people and the extent to which we consider ourselves to have intrinsic value. It's got nothing to do with other people and our tendency to compare and compete with them.    

It's easy to see someone else's value, especially those we admire and love. But when was the last time you considered your worthiness as a unique human being? When did you last consider the value of what you bring to the world – a value worth so much more than the sum of your external factors and societal labels.

By surrounding ourselves with people, experiences, and messages affirming our worthiness, we build self-acceptance. We can create a counter-narrative to the one that's been holding us back, and we train our brains to default to a more empowered and compassionate self-image.

The more we practice, we develop a deeper knowing of our own value and self-worth, which allows us to actually live the life we desire.