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Embracing Uncertainty

It is how we embrace the uncertainty in our lives that leads to the great transformation of our souls - Brandon Trean

The image above was taken in Joshua Tree National Park on the day I finished my 200 Hour Registered Yoga Teacher training. We were celebrating the end of our journey and chased the sunset to get a silhouette of my sweet baby and me. It was a moment to acknowledge this was our last trip together before he was born, and I was fully embracing that moment. A beautiful reminder to approach life with arms wide open, fully ready to receive what the world has in store, always be willing to take the drive and chase the sunset to catch the last bit of light that is offered to you. Follow the adventure. Trust your instincts. Beauty is out there. In all the darkness, the small glimmer of light illuminates just enough to reveal the complete glory you are as a human.

When someone mentions the year 2020, I am certain that in an instant every person has a visual picture of what that means to them. For many it was a year of isolation, fear, financial hardships, relationship trials, frustration, and uncertainty.

For me, 2020 started out just as I had planned. In February of 2019, after having worked as a therapist for many years, I took the leap and left managed mental health to start a new business where focus was placed on whole-person wellness. To say I was excited is an understatement. I set up an office space that was cozy and felt comfortable the moment people walked through the door. As the weeks and months passed, I gradually added new clients to my growing client base and felt as though the people walking through my office doors shared the same mission of focusing on mental wellness from a different approach.

In July of 2019, I found out I was pregnant with my second child and coincidentally was starting my journey of completing the courses to be a 200 Hour RYT and attending trainings expanding my skillset with Resiliency Coaching. These trainings took me to Oregon, Texas, Washington, Nevada, along with both Northern and Southern California. When I wasn’t traveling or training, I was building my business and enjoying quiet days at home with my husband and older son. I felt balanced.

January 2020 began with the completion of my 200 Hour RYT in beautiful Palm Springs. In just over a month, we would be adding our second son and things as I had planned were unfolding at a comfortable pace.

There is something to be said about being content and comfortable. In the midst of my contentment with where my life was, I knew how vital it was to continue to focus on my growth. Having a consistent self-care routine allowed me to carve the time I needed each day. Taking the pause necessary to evaluate where I was and where I would like to be. In the silence of the morning is where I was able to reflect. Was I taking time to challenge my mind? Were my priorities in order? Was I spending the time in my day in the way that was most beneficial to myself and my family? Making sure to remember I was important and focusing on the cornerstones to my overall wellness. We never know what is coming next which is why having regular self-care in place is essential.

As with most of the world, the pandemic hit me in many ways. On March 19, 2020 when the world shut down, I was a mom of a 4-week-old infant and a 2nd grader who now needed to be homeschooled. I was not sleeping. I was flush with post-partem hormones. In addition to the hormones, my physical body was in a state of turmoil after my delivery. My husband had returned to work. I had no experience in teaching a 2nd grader. I was exhausted mentally and physically. My newborn needed me what seemed like 26 hours a day. My 2nd grader could not understand what was happening and needed extra emotional support. I didn’t understand what was happening and needed extra emotional support. My tank was depleted before I even opened my eyes to start the day.

Surviving is the best way to describe what life has looked like over the last eleven months. Surviving is continuing to live; to remain in existence. When I look at that definition, I see strength and power where some may see weakness. To some, merely remaining in existence seems passive as though it requires no effort. To me, it is the exact opposite. To continue to live is to wake up every morning and realize something greater than yourself is out there. Something greater than yourself is waiting to be impacted by you. To remain in existence is to actively engage in the act of deciding to be a part of life. To know you have choices and options and choosing to open your eyes to what is in essence another day that can be likened to the movie “Groundhog Day” shows the power and strength you possess.

To say my last year has been challenging, would probably not do justice to the number of tears shed. To say my last year has been a blessing far beyond what I could have imagined would be an understatement. I read a quote that stated, “I’m not going to lie, I needed this year. It opened my eyes to a lot of things.” The statement resonated greatly. What I was reminded about myself over the last year is I am resilient. I am powerful. I am capable. I am loving, nurturing, kind, and caring. I believe wholeheartedly in the need to sit in the uncomfortable and ask myself what it is I am supposed to be learning and stay in the uncomfortable as long as necessary. There are no shortcuts in personal growth. There is no way out except to walk through.

When I started Life in Balance: Coaching and Wellness Services, I did so as a means to support and guide people in the journey placed before them. It was my desire to help people develop resiliency and to find restorative balance in their lives. Living through a year of a pandemic with a newborn and a now 8-year-old has only strengthened my resolve that the type of support I offer is needed by so many. The education I possess is one that has allowed me a lot of knowledge in many areas of the mind. However, my life experiences and my willingness to embrace the bumps and roadblocks in my journey are what give me depth and openness in who I am and the support I can offer another.

Today is my son’s first birthday. It has been a year of me being silent publicly, yet introspectively very active. It has been a year of embracing the unknown and sitting in the uncomfortable. It has been a year of growth and listening to my body and joy beyond anything I could have imagined. Happy birthday to my sweet boy. Thank you for taking me on a journey I didn’t know I needed. You are an amazing guide.

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